2hari migrain

migrain
sunyi
lain
rindu
sayang

hint

saya tak pernah nak anggap awak sebagai kawan sahaja
apa maksud awak
bila awak selalu menyebut kawan kawan kawan
seperti memberi hint
agar saya tidak menaruh harapan
dan tahu limit sebagai seorang kawan
sedangkan awak layan saya seperti dahulu
rapat
apa semua ni...

susah nya bila sayang

siapa saya

makin teruk

saya cuba untuk menjernihkan keadaan

kalau lah awak dapat bantu saya

sedih bila awak cakap awak tak perlukan pertolongan saya

ramai je orang lain

ramai yang boleh awak minta pertolongan

selain saya

awak berjaya buat saya jeles

saya tak patut jeles

saya tau

cuma

saya ni siapa pada awak..

o.k o k.o

I'am okay
sure I'am
what's happening
I feel the lost
"don't worry you'll get through this soon enough"
please don't call me a bestfriend
because I don't like to have a barrier in between
please don't draw a line
because I'd like to step inside and take care of you
It's me
=)
can I love you, dear?

thank god it's friday

Today, I sent her back home. There was a moment when the silent fills in. But I broke it and talked to her. We had a nice chat all the way home. I was so glad to have a lil conversation with her. As the night came over, we split up at the last junction of the busy road. She went straight home and I went to some place. It was a nice place, the place where people come have a good time together. I requested for a space and the waiter gave me a big table at the corner. I settled down, tried to loosen up a bit and I said to myself,

"Tonight, I'm giving myself a time, to think, to enjoy and revive myself after been kinda messed up lately. I'm going to treat myself a very nice dinner, alone".

Anyway, It was 300gram medium done of New York Steak and a glass of Ultimate Long Island Tea for this evening. But guess what, when you're eating out alone, with so many things dangling in your brain cortex. Problems, issues, confused. You’ll notice that waiting for the food to be served feels like hours. I recalled myself some memories of her to kill the time. Pathetic I know. It's been a long time and I missed everything, I mean everything. I missed her so much. So, the food was served and I got my delightful dinner. I thanked Ahmada, his name is. As I was about a quarter of eating my very steak, the fancy waiter came over and asked me about the food politely. Therefore, I gave him the complement,

"yeah, It is great. The steak is delicious, thank you". I smiled generously.

Being nice to him is one of the tricks on how to tackle your waiter. Blame The Waiter Rant because I didn't want them to spit into my food, please. By the way, I did enjoy myself having dinner, alone and I was hoping she was here tonight, spending time with me. Today, she looked pretty as always. I was glad to accompany her today. I wished to walk her home like always. We could talk and tell stories and make jokes all the way back without having a foot ache at all. It's the power of love. I remember, we were a best friend, but now, we pretend to be one. I feel so lonely and it’s killing me I know. And tonight, for the first time, I didn't finish my food. I couldn't. The drink tasted sour and the steak was lame. I feel like going home, have a shower, turn off the light and get into my bed, cover up my head and sleep.

I tipped the waiter no more than 10%.

pokpok

tonight. I did tell you a bedtime story when you begged me to. but you fall asleep before I got to tell you the half of the storyline that I spontaneously create, how sweet. I don't mind really. I like the feeling of making you calm listening to my imaginary superheros story and to see how slowly you close your pretty eyes falling into your own dream and sleep so quite so peacefully . and I hope I'd be able to tell you bedtime stories everynight onwards even it is silly to be heard of. even if you wanted me just to be your friend. I want you to be happy so I'll be happy for you. I don't want anything but taking care of you. tidur lah ya..

saya sayang kamu ngade.

onlain

kadang-kadang bila awak kata kita tetap akan rapat macam biasa, tapi sebenarnya kita dah makin jauh sikit demi sedikit tanpa awak sedar. sedih tapi itu lah hakikat. saya sentiasa ada cuma tidak menonjolkan diri. sebab bila saya tonjolkan diri, awak akan menyibukan diri.bila saya sembunyi, awak ada. bukan saya nak paksa awak tegur saya or berbual dengan saya. tapi sebelum kita bersama, bukankah kita sentiasa berborak, walau ketika itu kita tiada apa-apa. sebab itu kita rapat dan menjadi baik. semuanya tak sama lagi seperti dulu. gelak-gelak, berbual panjang, banyak benda yang seronok. saya gembira. tak sunyi. sekarang lain, mungkin awak cuba sedaya upaya untuk membaiki keadaan. tapi it just seems so wrong. everything is a mess. buat ini tak kena itu tak kena. keliru. cuma saya tahu, awak cuba elak dari kerap berhubung dengan saya tanpa awak sedari. saya agak awak takut dan kesiankan saya, yang mungkin masih berharap.

lagi

4tahun je lagi. lepas tu kita boleh buat keputusan masing-masing. saya rasa 4tahun tu sudah cukup untuk kita membuat keputusan yang bijak lepas tu. haih..kenapa aku mengharap sangat ni. macam loser kan, atleast aku cuba. aku pernah bercinta sebelum ni, tapi semua tu cinta monyet dan main-main. sekadar suka-suka. tapi yang ni lain. sebab aku rasa ini semua salah faham dan boleh di bincang. mungkin tiada orang yang memahami apa yang sedang berlaku sekarang. tak lama lagi birthday awak. i want to celebrate your birthday like we used to. even when we were friend. but sekarang, lain. saya pendam je niat saya bila awak cakap awak tiada mood nak celebrate tahun ni. saya tahu keadaan tak sesuai, dan awak pun mungkin serba salah. awak takut memberi harapan kepada saya kalau kita keluar celebrate walaupun as a friend. susahnya bila kita adalah kawan baik, dulu..

=]

tah

saya faham bila awak cakap nanti saya akan jumpa yang lebih baik. saya faham, itu.cuma saya tak nak ajar diri saya untuk senang-senang je tukar. gaduh, kecewa, buat salah, tukar. cari lain.kalau dulu iya maybe. sekarangsaya nak cuba bertahan setahun lima tahun 10 tahun kenapa nak mengalah. awak juga yang sedih. tak salah pun kita bertahan. one day baru lah kita sedar 10 tahun bertahan itulah yang ada hikmah. 10 tahun itu lah yang awak serasi, rapat dan ditemani. awak dengan saya masih bersama .naik jatuh. aku sentiasa gagal. dulu aku pernah set aku nak single senang free.tapi bila saya jumpa awak saya biarkan ia develop sendiri. kita jadi kawan. kawan baik. awak sendiri sedar saya lah yang sentiasa dapat sabar dan memahami diri awak.saya nak ia kekal .
tapi kali ni aku jatuh lagi
aku sentiasa gagal

still i miss you somehow